Japan marriage graduation trend: A growing number of Japanese couples are embracing the concept of “sotsukon”, or “marriage graduation,” where spouses remain legally married but choose to live separately in pursuit of independence and personal freedom. While the trend has given many women in Japan a new lease of life, not all outcomes are as smooth, with some men finding themselves struggling to cope without domestic support.

What Is Sotsukon?

The word sotsukon is a combination of two Japanese words: "sotsugyo" (graduation) and "kekkon" (marriage). It was coined in 2004 by writer Yumiko Sugiyama in her book "Sotsukon no Susume" (Recommending the Graduation from Marriage). Unlike divorce, sotsukon permits married people to keep their social and legal union but live apart and follow different hobbies. It is especially attractive to older women, who have spent a lifetime running homes and raising family members, and want independence and freedom later in life.

More than 56 per cent of married women are interested in sotsukon, with most preferring to adopt between the ages of 60 and 65, when their husbands retire, surveys cited by CNN reported. Sociologist Masako Ishii-Kuntz explained to CNN that lots of "empty-nesters have nothing but care for their husband. They recognized that they should follow their own interest and happiness."

Retired Man Opts For Independence, Relies On Instant Noodles For Survival

In a recent case reported by South China Morning Post (SCMP), 60-year-old Tokyo resident Tetsu Yamada, a former manufacturing executive, chose to "graduate from marriage" after his wife refused to relocate to his rural hometown with him. Yamada earning pension payment of 50 million yen (about USD 340,000), believed that a peaceful country life would mark the beginning of his "second chapter." However, after moving out on his own, he quickly found that he was unable to carry out basic household duties like cleaning and cooking. Yamada acknowledged that he frequently survives on frozen veggies and quick noodles as he doesn't have a wife to prepare his meals. In contrast, Keiko, his wife, has been thriving in Tokyo, running a workshop for her handcrafted goods and leading a busy social life. The difference between their situations has sparked online controversy over whether sotsukon works for any couple or not.

Although most couples have managed to adjust to sotsukon, others, such as Yamada, grapple with loneliness as well as insufficient life skills. Social media responses to his tale mirrored this polarisation. While some users empathised with his loneliness, others acclaimed his wife Keiko for seeking independence, SCMP documented. In a country with one of the world’s longest life expectancies and an aging population, such arrangements are becoming more common.

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Celebrity Influence And Mainstream Acceptance

The concept became even more popular following Japanese comedian Akira Shimizu and his wife openly declaring in 2013 that they had decided to graduate from marriage. Their book, "Sotsukon, A New Form of Love," taught couples that it is okay to think beyond common marital expectations. Marriage graduation seminars and workshops are now a norm in Japan, particularly among women who want to persuade their husbands into embracing the arrangement, CNN reported.

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Sociologists cited by CNN contend that sotsukon is an offshoot of the "individualisation of the family" phenomenon in Japan. Couples are rethinking friendship in their later years as a result of declining birth rates, changing gender roles, and longer lifespans. Others find that distance strengthens their relationship by allowing them to cherish their limited time together. As another Japanese woman explained to CNN, "Me and my husband don't have much to say to each other, and he thinks I'm his maid. But I don't want to divorce I just want my own life."